User blog:EmpyrealInvective/Empy's Halloween Horr-tacular! (2018)
Jumpscare surprise return! Musical stinger! I bet you didn’t expect that! Did you really think I’d give up the ghost of the Halloween season that easily?! This is going to be a lot less organized and ambitious. I am in the middle of the Veterinary program and to be honest, I don’t know how this is going to go overall with classes, homework, exams, and clubs/organizations. I am going to be taking the path of least-resistance here while, at the same time, trying my best to show you some new, terrifying, or just plain terrible movies you may have not seen yet. So without further adieu, I bring you Travis/EmpyrealInvective’s Horr-tacular 2018! What Types of Movies I'll Be Watching Here’s a run-down of what to expect this Cinematic Spook-tacular: Maybe I’ll Take a Suggestion Monday As the title suggests, I’ll try to sit down and watch a movie you suggest for me on Facebook, Twitter, or the Creepypasta Wiki. If I’m able to track it down, haven’t reviewed it before, have the time, and can write something entertaining about it, I’ll watch it and give it a review. YouTube Tuesday On Tuesdays I’m going to be scouring YouTube for full movies. I’ll include a link in case you want to watch alongside me. Let’s share the Halloween experience by watching some low-quality rips of horror movies on Youtube. Wednesday: Garbage Day! (Fuck you, it’s January) I do this every year. I dedicate a day of the week to watching horrible movies. I’m not going to change that. Instead, I’m going to try to spice it up by featuring movies that were released in January. As explained here, January’s become the dumping ground for bad movies as it’s out of Oscar season and the box office is flooded with trash that studios and audiences typically don’t care about. Combine that with winter weather which has a negative impact on ticket sales and you have a month where horror movies are traditionally released to die. Join me for a weekly trip to the dump where I watch and review bad horror movies that were released in January. There’s No Time Thursday! This is more of a convenience than anything. As Thursday is a bit of a longer day for me, I need to make more time in my schedule for classes, clubs, friends, and generally keeping up with everything. So, on Thursdays, I’ll be watching one or two short horror movies (both popular ones and student films found on the internet) and telling you guys what I think. Friday: My Day As the name suggests, every Friday I’ll be watching a film of my own choosing. It may be a good horror movie, it may be one that I’ve heard is so bad that it has managed to grab my attention. It’ll definitely be entertaining to see what I can come up with. Series Saturday On Saturdays I’ll be watching a horror anthology and watching a few random episodes to see how the series holds up. These are going to be old series and newer ones. Depending on the how much time I have on these days and the length of the episodes, I may be watching a few or a lot of episodes. Spookypasta Sunday A day devoted to creepypastas or movies that were inspired by creepypastas. Also, as I did this before, I am probably going to have to stretch the definition to make this work. Every Sunday we’ll see how much the internet culture has bled into cinema. Maybe I’ll Take a Suggestion Monday: "Winchester: The House that Ghosts Built" (1/10/18) I’ll start this Horr-tacular with something that interested me when I first heard about it and disappointed me as soon as I saw the trailer. If you aren’t aware of the legend, the Winchester house was constantly under construction with confusing layouts (stairways leading to ceilings, doors that open into walls, winding hallways, etc.). This was done after a fortune teller told the owner of the company that it was necessary to confuse the angry spirits who were killed by Winchester rifles from returning and exacting their revenge. Winchester: The House that Ghosts Built tells the tale of a claims agent who is sent to evaluate the mental fortitude of the sole heir to the Winchester fortune in an attempt to discredit her so an outside group can seize control of her assets. It turns out that the constant construction of her house does in fact keep the ghosts at bay who are totally real, you guise. I think the most ridiculous scene has to be the ghost bullet idea. What is a ghost bullet you ask? The main protagonist Eric lost his wife when she shot him and then herself. This has instilled a hatred/fear of guns, why exactly he chose to go to the Winchester estate is beyond me (It’d be like a banana vacationing in a blender despite the smoothie accident that claimed the lives of his family.). Eric combats this fear by carrying around a bullet which just so happens to be the Deus ex machina needed to kill the antagonist ghost. Eric loads this bullet into a rifle and shoots the ghost to (re-)death, thus proving that all of the world’s problems can be solved with guns. Long story short, this movie has a 14% of Rotten Tomatoes for a reason, it’s poorly told, feels generic, and worst of all; fails to use the true story of the Winchester house effectively. YouTube Tuesday: Knights of Badassdom (2/10/18) I really enjoyed the premise of the movie. A group of LARP-ers (featuring Peter Dinklage) accidentally summon a demon at a Renaissance fair and have to find a way to fix their mistake before she kills everyone. It’s a horror-comedy with an entertaining premise that had me interested when I randomly stumbled across the trailer for the movie a while back. So, does the movie hold up? Unfortunately a majority of the protagonists are one-note and it really weakens the plot as it’s hard to care about such one-dimensional characters. The characters just seem like a amalgamation of nerd tropes without any real character/personality to help you get invested in the plot. They have little to no social life outside of their circle and resort to getting their emotionally distraught friend wasted (you know, like normal people do?) in order to get him to the Renaissance fair while he’s blacked out because there’s no way he’d be interested in nerdy things like that without being forced into it. The final fight is over-the-top in a cheesy B movie way so that was fun (Peter Dinklage is summoned as a tank character to devastate a demon). All-in-all, I can’t really recommend this one as the comedy is hit-or-miss and the movie doesn’t have much heart to it. It feels pretty by-the-numbers and that’s probably the worst thing about it. Wednesday: Garbage Day! (Fuck you, it’s January): Underworld: Blood Wars (3/10/18) Did this need to be made? It didn’t really. I kind of feel like the fact it released alongside Resident Evil: The Final Chapter led me to believe that this was the last in the series (it’s not). Underworld: Blood Wars continues the war between the vampire and werewolves with Selene (OC; do not steal) caught in the middle. Is it a step up from the previous entries? No. This movie is the epitome of pouring brandy into an extremely hot skillet and igniting it. It’s got some stylized violence (that really doesn’t feel too engaging in light of more recent action movies) and very little story to back it up. If I asked you what you think was going to happen with the vampire vs. werewolf wars with underdog Selene caught in the middle, who do you think would end on top when the dust settles? Truth be told, this one was a challenge to get through and its execution felt anemic (I’ve restricted myself to only one pun per entry, you’re welcome). There’s No Time! Thursday: Lights Out and Don’t Look Away (4/10/18) Let’s start with one of the most popular short horror films, “Lights Out”. It became so popular that it spawned a movie in 2016 which was recently greenlit for a sequel. The use of light was probably the most effective thing about the short film. I do think the idea needed some re-tooling as I’m not quite sure how the monster functions (if it can only move in darkness) or if it operates under some other type of logic. It was effective for being so short, but I think a fully fleshed out film might be more effective. “Don’t Look Away” has a similar monster-premise to Doctor Who’s The Weeping Angels and SCP-173. It’s a monster that cannot move while you’re staring at it, but can move insanely fast when you look away. The film does a pretty good job of explaining its idea and gets around a plot hole by having the monster forcibly closing a character’s eyes so it could continue its attack. The ending was a bit weak, but I liked how the story was executed up to that part. I think this could be an effective thirty minute short film that ramps up the tension as the character’s struggle to deal with an entity that forces you to keep eye contact with it. Friday: My Day Raw (5/10/18) Raw is a coming-of-age/sexual awakening allegory using cannibalism as a metaphor. I didn’t expect to be saying that today, but here we are. A girl in veterinary school (!!!) undergoes a hazing ritual in which she is forced to eat uncooked rabbit kidneys. Being a lifelong vegetarian, she objects but is eventually pressured into eating them by her sister. Afterwards she begins craving raw meat and everything spirals down from that point in a dramatic and engaging movie. Will Justine learn to control her urges, or will her desires consume her? The movie is well-acted, I enjoyed the musical accompaniment, the plot is engaging/dramatic, and the premise is fresh. The only drawbacks I can really think of are that since the movie is straddling the line between a horror and drama, it is difficult to convey both. Additionally, while there is a lot of subtext here, I can’t necessarily guarantee that I’ll be re-watching this as you can tease a majority of the movie’s themes in a single viewing. That’s not to say the movie is shallow, I think Julia Ducournau (the director) effectively hit all the points she was looking to convey. This is definitely an interesting one I would recommend if you have the stomach for it. Series Saturday: Welcome to Night Vale (6/10/18) Let’s kick this off with a curveball. Welcome to Night Vale is a radio drama covering a public radio station in a small town and not a tv series with a majority of its content being in audio form (with a few episodes which were performed excellently by the voice actors). I decided to do this series after listening to a few episodes about a year ago while I was cooking and getting drawn in. I’m extremely late to the party but I’ve devoured over half the catalogue and am rapidly catching up. I think the series’ biggest draw is its interesting characters and frequent callbacks. The nonchalant manner a lot of this otherworldly occurrences provides a lot of the comedy for the series. I think the biggest breakout episodes are the standalone ones: A Story about You and A Story About Them. If you’re interested in something that blends horror with dry comedy, this is a series worth checking out. It’s something that has managed to enthrall me and give me a chuckle whenever I have thirty minutes to myself to cook or clean up my house. Spookypasta Sunday: The Midnight Man (7/10/18) The Midnight Man is based off of the Midnight Game ritual and unfortunately doesn’t quite hold up. The original movie (2013) was slightly better received than the 2016 remake and it’s easy to see why. The 2013 version tells a bit more of an involving story with five teenagers playing the ritual and trying to survive the night whereas this version is more focused on a woman taking care of her grandmother and investigating her past by re-playing a game she once did as a child and tries to shoe-horn in some twists. Here’s an example if you ever are wondering how continuity issues can detract from a story. There are numerous instances of the Midnight Man ritual being performed incorrectly: Leaving lights on (voiding the ritual), not performing the ritual correctly (meaning you’re not a part of the game), etc. Given that the rules are laid out in detail in the movie, this makes it seem like the not a lot of time was put into the script rather than getting Robert Englund and the actress from the Annabelle series. The monster design isn’t that good (looking at the rabbit masked monster and the eponymous Midnight Man in particular) either and the Midnight Man has a tendency to monologue is a generic demon voice and exposition the characters. It almost feels like this was originally written as a sequel to Boogieman (given the Midnight Man’s ability to use the character’s fears against them). I’d recommend the 2013 version over this, but even that has its own flaws. This would definitely be a hard pass. There really isn’t much here to get enjoyment or chills out of. Maybe I’ll Take a Suggestion Monday: Happy Death Day (8/10/18) A lot of horror movies feel like re-treads of old premises (serial killer is on the loose, ghosts haunting an old manor, shark follows family to the Bahamas to exact its revenge, etc.), so it does feel fresh when a movie takes an interesting spin on things (ignoring the existence of Higurashi: When They Cry). Happy Death Day is a mix between a slasher movie and Groundhog Day where the protagonist re-lives the last day of her life in attempt to avoid her inevitable murder. Each time she dies, she re-starts the day with the previous knowledge so she can try to escape her murderer. While I enjoy the concept, I feel like a lot more could have been done with it. The most interesting idea the movie toyed with was the protagonist intentionally killing herself to get a re-do on the repeating day and an opportunity to save her friend. Unfortunately it doesn’t do much beyond that and the fact that the killer isn’t trapped in the same loop (i.e. they can’t possibly predict the ways Tree will attempt to save herself which makes their repeated success feel really unlikely. There’s one attempt at surviving the day where the protagonist (Tree) barricades herself in her room only to find out the killer hid in her room instead of luring her into a tunnel or following her to a frat party, rendering that plan pointless.) All in all, it’s an interesting idea, but the movie falls short in its execution. YouTube Tuesday: Children of the Corn (9/10/18) Children of the Corn Outlander! I’m actually kind of surprised that I haven’t reviewed this one yet. I remember watching it when I was younger and not really being too scared by it. I think the main reason for that was due to my age and not really getting the subtext and inherent horror (that children are being led to do monstrous things). The movie revolves around a town near Gatlin, Nebraska where the children (led by their cult leader Isaac) have murdered all the adults (and sacrifice themselves when they reach the age of 19). A couple find themselves stranded in the town and have to find a way to escape with their lives. To be honest, I think I loved the Lovecraftian entity “He Who Walks Behind the Rows” and wish they did more with that than just including it for the last fifteen or so minutes. Unfortunately it focuses more on the children (and their acting) which kind of weakens the overall movie for me. Most of the child actors aren’t the best in this movie. I will say this though, Isaac (played by actor/teacher John Franklin) is wonderfully over-the-top and steals the movie at times. If you’re interested in the premise, you’ll likely enjoy this movie (if you temper your expectations), but I can’t really recommend it other than for its cult following (word play!). Wednesday: Garbage Day! (Fuck you, it’s January): Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (10/10/18) A bit of a fun fact: I have played every Resident Evil game (including Gaiden and RE: Survivor) and watched every movie. I am the target audience for this movie and that is probably the most self-deprecating thing I’ve ever had to say about myself. This movie is not good. This is the ‘final’ chapter in the Alice saga (Original character Alice; do not steal). I had to look over the movie list to make sure I hadn’t already reviewed it. That’s how forgettable it was. I watched this about a year ago with my dad and spent more time making fun of the movie than actually watching the movie itself. There isn’t much more to say other than: The movie is a hot mess. They use camera cuts so frequently during action scenes that it’s difficulty to tell what’s happening. The ‘time is running out’ premise with the virus until it kills all of humanity makes no sense as that’s not how viruses work. They try to force a twist at the end to make sense of all the clones, but it ends up falling flat on its face and tearing open dozens of other plot holes on its way down. If you watched the other movies in this series, you're likely going to watch this one to and the only advice I have is to lower your expectations and watch it with a friend who is familiar with Game of Thrones so you can try to force references about what Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen) is doing there (that’s not how you treat Greyscale) again after the disastrous Resident Evil: Extinction. There’s No Time Thursday! Mama and I Heard It Too (11/10/18) Mama This is the short that inspired the full-length motion picture of the same name. To be honest, while the film version has a more fleshed out and moving backstory, it also loses some of its effectiveness as a horror movie. The short is much more effective at being unsettling with the unnatural movements of the monster, the helplessness of the two children, and the suddenness of the creature’s attack. This is a good short to watch if you’re interested in something quick and spooky this Halloween. I Heard It Too Based off the flash fiction creepypasta (A girl heard her mom yell her name from downstairs, so she got up and started to head down. As she got to the stairs, her mom pulled her into her room and said "I heard that, too.”) of the same name, “I Heard It Too” does its job relatively effectively by shifting from a calm and quite moment (a child being put to bed) to a home-invasion by a supernatural doppelgänger. The special effects for the moment are a bit generic, but the short film handles its premise well and goes a good job of building off the base idea. Friday: My Day "Jigsaw" (12/10/18) It’s what you’d expect if you have any experience with the series. The Saw series went from an original and interesting story (a plot where the majority takes place in a single room that effectively creates characters, has realistic/engaging dialogue, and builds tension) to a nonsensical (feel free to visit the Saw wiki to try and get a comprehensive look at the timeline and try to make sense of the characters and their motivations) gore-fest. To say that I didn’t have high expectations for this movie is an understatement. I had no expectations (other than it being laughably bad) and somehow I was still disappointed. I expected it to be over-the-top and ridiculous, but Jigsaw really wasn’t either of those things. Instead it was a relatively tame entry that played it safe and tried to shoe-horn in a twist at the end that most audiences could easily predict. The Snowman (last year I had a poll to decide whether to watch Jigsaw or the Snowman) was more entertaining than this. That’s not to say it was better, as that movie was an unfinished train wreck, but at least it was entertainingly bad. Jigsaw feels like a bland cash-grab on a series that collapsed under its own bloated story years ago. Unless you’re looking to force yourself to sit through a movie this Halloween like some sort of Jigsaw game, steer clear of this one. Series Saturday: Junji Ito Presents (13/10/18) It's Ito-ween everybody! To say I was excited for this was an understatement. I started reading Junji Ito on the recommendation of a friend (Koromo) and I quickly became a fan. Junji Ito is a master of effective story-telling (He effectively builds tension by showing the characters reacting to the horror and showing the macabre scene on the next page.) and his style of body horror is unparalleled at unsettling me. So, how does the animated series hold up? Oh… Oh no. The biggest disappointment is that the art quality is not the best in comparison to the source material. The detailed, stomach-churning body horror that Junji Ito’s work engenders is muted here and the series suffers because of that. I did a few screen comparisons and despite having some slight motion thrown in, the animated section is blander than the typical fare you can see in Junji Ito’s drawings and the musical accompaniment doesn’t really add much. As I spent more time than I wanted talking about this, I’m just going to tackle the first couple of episodes and give my thoughts on the ones that I find something to talk about. Episode 1: To be honest, this wasn’t the best start. I think Junji Ito’s strong point is making likable protagonists who experience the horror alongside you. Opening with Souichi’s series feels like a bit of a miss-step as he’s the antagonist and it’s hard to become invested in his character (he’s sadistic, arrogant, and petty). His stories tend to be more of a mix of slapstick comedy with slight horror (he’s jinxing people due to petty sleights) so starting with that gives the series a bit of a false start. Episode 2: There isn’t too much here to talk about. It’s a bit better than the first, but not by much. The adaption of “Long Dream” about a person trapped in progressively longer dreams and the horrors that their body undergoes is a step up however it ends without any real impactful music to convey the horror which does rob it of any effectiveness. The premise takes the idea of sleep and warps it to something horrifying (what if you were trapped in progressively longer dreams that began to feel like un-ending nightmares?), but the episode doesn't live up to the source material. Episode 3: This episode features an unfinished version of “Lovesick Dead” (which was four chapters long) and is just about as disappointing as watching an incomplete series is. A questions ritual results in tragedy as a mysterious figure begins to prey on the weakened emotional state of the people who are looking for advice. This doesn’t even really set-up the premise properly or execute it effectively. It leaves me wondering why they would adapt it if they weren’t going to effectively tell the story. Episode 4: It’s a trypophobia-inspired episode with their adaption of “The Chill”. An Egyptian curse riddles the inflicted with thousands of holes. It’s alright, but I think I’ve figured out what’s bothering me about these adaptations. It’s that a thirty page manga chapter is being condensed into ten minutes to the detriment of pacing and story. There isn’t much characterization or time to let the tension ramp up. Episode 5 / Episode 6: I’m sorry for cutting this short, but look at the bullying scene on episode 5 (3:00). It looks bad. Given that it’s based on the “Hallucinations” series (which really intrigued me as it’s about a boy living in a house that has connections to an alternate universe populated by horrifying monsters who are actively pursuing him), this is disappointing. The story is rushed to boot and feels like you would have to have read the story to even get an inkling of the overall plot here. Episode 6 is “The Woman Next Door” and it’s about as ineffective as the rest. There’s no tension here, there’s no suspense. This is just disappointing. Final thoughts: Despite giving you a link to each episode I watched, I’m going to advise that you don’t watch them. It feels like they’re rushing to get through Junji Ito’s more seminal works and cramming in two stories into each episode cuts away from the efficacy of both stories. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not terrible, but it feels criminal to settle for less when Junji Ito’s body of work is readily available online. Sit down and give that a read instead and then support him by buying a few of your favorites if you like what you see. Spookypasta Sunday: Slenderman (14/10/18) Here’s a little bit of truth for everyone. After reading Cleric’s tweets and Dorkpool’s review, I had no desire to watch Slenderman. I was going to try and track down a Jeff the Killer fan film rather than watch this (think about that for a second). I already had low expectations for the movie being good after seeing the trailer a year ago. Those hopes were lowered further when it was released without any promotion with scenes removed. Unfortunately it felt disingenuous to do a theme dedicated to movies that were inspired by creepypasta and overlook the latest one. So here we are. You already know it’s not good. Multiple people have probably told you why it’s not good. I will do the same. This movie is not good. Here’s some reasons why: the girls initially summon Slenderman by watching an internet video because they believe a group of guys are also watching it (let’s hope there are no bridges nearby), the dialogue is written by someone who has no idea how teenagers talk, the characters may as well be as faceless as Slenderman due to their banal nature, the cgi for the titular creature looks like it was made for a student project, there are numerous plot holes/continuity issues due to scenes being removed (yes, the eye stabbing scene featured heavily in the trailer has been removed), the jump scares are forced and don’t add anything to the tension, the hallucination scenes (especially the make-out scene) are unintentional comedy gold, and the plot is predictable. There’s a lot of blame pie to go around here. The director has numerous bad films under their belt, the actors’ performances are wooden (plot-related puns!), and Sony also hobbled this project by not promoting it and cutting scenes to make it PG-13 at the cost of the plot. We also need to cut ourselves a slice. The movie has been a success. Its budget was about 25 million (give or take), and it’s grossed about 34 million dollars (according to Box Office Mojo). While not a cinematic juggernaut, it still sets a precedent that even with everything going against it, it still turned a profit. I expect other creepypastas to be option and given the same sub-par treatment which is unfortunate as I do see a lot of potential in creepypastas to tell involving, engaging, and original stories that could transfer over to film. Unfortunately I don't think we are not proceeding in that direction. Maybe I'll Take a Suggestion Monday: Hotel Transylvania (15/10/18) My sister recommended this one and given that she recommended the enjoyable Para-Norman back in 2016, I gotta say, I am interested to see how this one goes. That interest waned significantly when I saw Adam Sandler was headlining this one (sorry, but the latest movies I saw him in were Pixels and Jack and Jill. That doesn’t set the best standard). However, after seeing that it was being directed by Gendy Tartakovsky who helmed Samurai Jack, I decided to give it a go as opposed to the other movies and I think it was the right choice (also, I knew it had a mummy in it, which I hear is Keeley and Kennedy’s favorite.). I actually really enjoyed this one (Not as much as Para-Norman). The story gets surprisingly emotional and gives a good reason for Dracula (Adam Sandler) to be protective of his daughter, Mavis (Selena Gomez). There are plenty of obscure references to the Universal Horror Monsters and their source material (The death of Dracula’s wife happens to coincide with the release of Bram Stoker’s Dracula) that was also really entertaining. The ending felt a bit forced with the shoe-horned musical number, but the movie worked up to that point so I’ll let it slide as a staple of kids movies. All in all, this is definitely a good one to see with the little ones if you’re tired of watching Boss Baby once a day. Youtube Tuesday: Jeepers Creepers 3 (16/10/18) Jeepers Creepers 3 is about a monster who preys on the young, but enough about Victor Salva, (the director) though (bad-dum-tsh). The third movie in what appears to be an ongoing series (he recently announced Jeepers Creepers 4) retreads a lot of ground. While I enjoyed the first one for giving more characterization to the protagonists, this one seems more content to kill off one-dimensional characters that the audience doesn’t really care about. I think the biggest issue (visually at least) is that a majority of the film takes place during the day and the monster (The Creeper) does not look intimidating at all. There's a scene where a person is trying to work a gatlin gun in a scene that's supposed to be tense and the music bottoms out and the Creeper is left awkwardly floating towards his attacker in a slow-motion scene in complete silence. Additionally they try to shoe-horn a twist by implying one of the surviving characters gets on the same bus from the second film which results in the monster attacking it, leading to the events of the second movie. This makes no sense as it seems ridiculous that this person would survive everything and not bring it up with anyone and just go about their day (“I saw this unstoppable monster tearing people apart with his ‘super high-tech truck(???)’ earlier today and I should probably be getting help, but I really want to go to this high school football game so…”) People who already clicked the link know the movie is in Spanish (almost like some sort of sign from the divine to save your time) because the original link I had prepared was coincidentally taken down as I was watching it and writing all of this. Feel free to give this movie a watch if you’re looking for something bland and uninteresting, but I hope you guys have something better to do. Garbage Day Wednesday: The Boy (17/10/18) Spoilers for a bad movie: The Boy follows a nanny named Greta who is put in charge of watching a doll that has a number of strict rules enforced for her charge. When she breaks those rules, strange things begin to happen. Then it turns out the nanny’s actual charge is an adult man (Brahms) living in the walls of their house. The film implies that the parent hired Greta in order to find a mate for their son. I just saved you about an hour and a half of your life. Try to spend that hour and a half doing something nice for someone. I think my biggest issue with the movie is the mishandled premise and how reliant it is on jump scares. The plot is pretty pedestrian and there isn’t a whole lot to keep the audience engaged. The one positive I can give is that the actors tried their best here and there are some hints at a better movie buried in the walls of this movie like Fortunato. Greta’s motivations for sticking around and taking care of the Boy (the doll) even when seemingly supernatural stuff is happening is due to a miscarriage she suffered earlier in her life which adds a bit of subtext there. Unfortunately the movie really doesn’t do much with it and this comes off as a by-the-numbers horror movie. Short Student Films: Moonlight Man and Mama Misses You (18/10/18) The Moonlight Man A woman walking to her car is pursued by the eponymous monster. For being only a few minutes long, this does a pretty good job of building tension. The protagonist locks herself in her car only to find that the Moonlight Man is capable of unlocking it from the outside which forces her to manually lock it again. Unfortunately the ending is pretty weak and the scene where she’s attacked really doesn’t look good (he kind of shoves her and they awkwardly struggle before he hops into the trunk as well). Given that it’s only three minutes, I’d say it’s worth a watch if the premise interests you. Mama Misses You A boy goes to visit his mother’s grave to pay his respects, only to find out that she isn’t quite ready to say goodbye either. This is definitely an amateur film which has positive (generally being more sincere) and negative (acting, dialogue, special effects, etc.) aspects. It was made for under fifty dollars and that shows, but there is a nice scene where the mom-ster does a bit of unnatural contortion and back rolls into a standing position that looked pretty cool. Free Choice Friday: Gerald’s Game (19/10/18) Here’s a Stephen King story that’s been adapted to a movie by Mike Flanagan about a woman who finds herself trapped after her husband puts her in handcuffs and dies of a heart attack in flagrante delicto, leaving her to try and survive in an isolated cabin. There are a few things I enjoy about this, there are a number of Stephen King references (“Take your medicine.” ~ The Shining, “serving the beam.” ~ The Dark Tower, and a Cujo reference.) throughout and I found the visuals to be really appealing, especially with the hallucinations and shot layout. The film also spends a majority of the time in a single location which heightens the tension as she slowly begins to succumb to dehydration and hallucinate. It also delves into Jessie’s past (involving sexual abuse) in her flashbacks which keeps the movie moving along. Unfortunately this movie’s premise can be a deal-breaker. If you’re not engaged with that idea, it’s very unlikely that the movie will change your mind on it. I, however, enjoyed this and am glad to see how it was handled. I’d recommend it to anyone who read that idea and is interested to see how it will be handled. Series Saturday: Goosebumps! (20/10/18) This takes me back as I used to watch this alongside Are You Afraid of the Dark when I was younger. I recently stumbled across a podcast called Goosebuds which analytically dissects each book to comedic effect that really inspired me to give these a re-watch and see if they held up. If you ever read Goosebumps in your life, I can’t recommend the Goosebuds podcast enough due to the analytical and humorous (blue and black humor mainly) they take to the series. Haunted Mask: This is probably the most famous Goosebumps episode and R.L. Stine book (debatably). The Haunted Mask tells the tale of a girl who steals a mask in order to be scary for Halloween and quickly finds out she can’t remove it. As it begins to take over her body, she struggles to find a way to remove it. It’s definitely one of the better episodes as the underlying message (about being true to yourself) resonates quite a bit and the effects are interesting. This was definitely the pilot episode for a reason. Say Cheese and Die: This one revolves around a camera that takes your picture and curses you to the unfortunate fate presented in the polaroid. Fun fact: The protagonists trap a man for all eternity inside his own cursed camera. There’s really no pussy-footing around it. Those kids straight up trap a man in an existential nightmare for all eternity by using the cursed camera on him. The Barking Ghost: R.L. Stine said that this was one of his least favorite books and after reading the book (many years ago) and watching the episode (today), I can see why. The plot is that two robbers fled the law into the woods where they were savaged by dogs. Now they haunt the woods as ghostly dogs (because reasons) and plan on switching bodies with the two protagonists with the help of the changing tree, a tree that is capable of performing body-swaps. A lot of the story feels forced and contrived, but it’s an interesting watch for anyone deathly afraid of dogs as the canine actors they are pretty entertaining. Spookypasta Sunday: Living Dark: The Story of Ted the Caver (21/10/18) The film follows two brothers who stumble across a cave while visiting their father’s grave. Using pictures in the opening was a good way to connect it to the source material and build a sense of realism and being true to the source material. The film is a slow burn and does a great job with its small cast (the back-and-forth between the brothers sets an interesting dynamic and heightens the tension later in the movie) and claustrophobic setting. They also do a good job of recreating the images from the story for people who are familiar with the source material. I think the biggest flaws of this movie are its scope and what they try to add to the story. Tying the father (who recently died) into the history of the cave doesn’t really hold much water and the second half (especially with the monster reveal as it feels like it’s ripping a lot from The Descent) really weakens my overall opinion of the movie. I think with a larger budget, this movie would have been excellent. As it currently stands, this is probably the best adaptation of a creepypasta movie I’ve seen up to this point. Unfortunately, that’s not saying much given: Sony’s Slenderman, The Midnight Game, Always Watching, etc. Maybe I'll Take a Suggestion Monday: Heidi (22/10/18) Christian suggested this one. I was interested that they used a quote by Neil Gaiman (see my avatar), but unfortunately I don’t think it’s as effective as they’d hope (“Monsters come in all shapes and sizes”) as opposed to some of his more poignant ones. The movie follows a group of Youtubers who encounter a doll before paranormal things begin happening. I’m not really a fan of found footage, but they did justify it relatively well (not always) by making the protagonists uploading stuff to a channel so it’d make sense they’d record everything and announce what they’re doing all the time. I like that some of the camera effects are warped (leaving after-images of the doll and distorting it) to heighten the visuals. I feel like the camera cuts were being used a bit too much for scene transitions and I started a running count of every time they were told to put the camera down/turn it off (4 by the forty minute mark) which started to get grating after a bit. There were some things that felt like they would have been better left unstated (Pointing out dust around the doll was cleared away like it had been moving), an audio issue (one of the recorders is in a small house with a raucous party going on a few floors away and you can’t hear the music blasting despite the fact in a previous scene multiple people had to shout over it.), and a video issue (who’s recording the news reel and interspersing it with shots of a ballet and for what purpose?) which kind of drew away from everything. That being said, the movie was enjoyable and I started a theory about how one of the kids were staging all of this for views and it would turn into something a bit more meta by subverting haunted doll tropes. Unfortunately that really didn’t pan out and the direction they did go in felt a bit too by the numbers (they throw the doll away, try to burn it, etc. only for it to return time and time again). All in all, the film was enjoyable if this is your style, but if it isn’t, this one really won’t change your mind. Youtube Tuesday: Wolfen (23/10/18) I referenced this movie in my novella “We R Leejun” with a character shouting: “Run! The Wolfens are coming! They’re tripping on their peyote and they have their razors!” in direct reference to the movie in which one ‘shapeshifter’ transforms using similar means and alleges to carry out his attacks with a razor. The film follows a former NYPD detective who is trying to solve a string of bizarre murders who uncovers the existence of the Wolfen, wolf spirits, who are killing construction workers in an attempt to protect their hunting ground from an encroaching project. Despite the jokey nature of their depiction in my novel, the movie is pretty engaging. I would be pretty interested in reading the novel that the movie is based on. The film was one of the earliest movies to use a POV shot to indicate the entities’ vision. It was nominated for a number of awards by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films and even won an award for best effects. Another fun fact: this film has Tom Waits in an uncredited role as a drunken bar owner. Friend Request (24/10/18) Friend Request follows a girl who accepts a friend request from a socially awkward girl in her class who posts ‘spooky’ goth poetry. The poetry is apparently so cringe-inducing that the girl decides to unfriend her. Once she does that, the girl places a hex on her and proceeds to socially dismantle her life and kill the people who are closest to her. This almost feels like a parody movie given how poorly it executes its ideas. There is a counter that goes down throughout the movie to show that the protagonist’s friends are unfriending her on social media and it’s treated with such seriousness that it’s goofy. Not only does it feel silly, but it also undercuts the plot itself as it generally appears after moments when her friends are dying. I did get a few laughs out of the movie (even if they weren’t intentional) so there’s that. I’d recommend the movie if you’re looking for something to poke fun of with a few of your friends. Foreign Short Films (25/10/18) We’re going to coalesce a little here and focus on short films based on myths as I stumbled across a handful in my search. First up is the Skinwalker. Skinwalker is about two women on a road trip who encounter the Navajo legend. Besides the horrible CGI blood, shake-y camera, and the abrupt ending, this is fairly interesting and I wish it was a little more flesh(gait)ed out. I think a ten or fifteen minute short film would have been better to tell the story the directors wanted rather than a five minute story. Latin America This short film is about La Llorona (a woman who murdered her children to be with her lover, who is cursed to spend eternity trying to find children to replace the ones she lost.) Unfortunately this movie really doesn’t work too well from a cultural horror standpoint as there isn’t any real story here: A woman parks into a tree, sees La Llorona, is menaced by her child, is seemingly murdered. This could have used a bit more story and tension to make it effective. Friday, My Day: Martin (26/10/18) Given that George A. Romero passed away a little over a year ago, I figured I’d sit down and watch a movie of his that I never got around to due to his extensive filmography. While I enjoyed Night of the Living Dead, Monkeyshines (Bad helper monkey!), and Creepshow, there is one movie of his that I never sat down and watched. That movie is Martin, a modern age vampire story about a boy who believes he is a vampire goes to live with his granduncle who is also convinced he is a vampire. Martin is an uncomfortable look at monsters and perspectivism. In Martin’s eyes, he is a vampire who seduces his victims and drains their blood. In his granduncle's eyes, Martin is a supernatural vampire who preys on the weak and is bound by the folklore surround his kind. It’s left to the audience to decide what Martin is and given its unflinching look, I can see why this was one of George A. Romero’s favorite films. It’s unsettling, Martin is a predator (in every sense of the word), and a killer. The audience gets a peek into his world where he seduces his targets and enchants them. In reality, he drugs, sexually abuses, and murders his victims without any real sense of remorse. I decided to track this one down after seeing an excellent review by RedLetterMedia which turned me onto the movie and I have to say, it’s worth the watch, if only to memorialize the director who said that this was his favorite movie. Series Saturday: Junji Ito Presents: Part 2 (27/10/18) I feel a bit bad for having been so negative of the Junji Ito Presents series so I’m giving it another chance. Will the second half get any better? No. Still disappointing. I was really hoping the second half would be better but it really wasn’t. (7-12) Episode 7 (Spanish subs): The Aristotle Technique has an interesting premise of people low audio messages to subliminally control people, but 12 minutes isn’t sufficient time to effectively tell a 30+ page story. I ended up having this one on in the background as I packed my bag for the next day. Episode 8: I really don’t have much interesting to say about this one which is disappointing because it was one of the few episodes I could link. The first part features a girl preparing to marry into a strange family and the second part is about a deadly circus. Episode 9: This is probably one of the better ones and surprise surprise, it features Tomie. Tomie is probably one of Junji Ito’s most recognizable works and the popularity has spawned multiple novels, movies, and now is an episode. The quality is a bit higher for this episode, but it’s still too short to really build up any real sense of foreboding or horror. Episode 10 (Spanish subs): The more I watch this series, the more issues I dig up. This episode features an adaption of “Glyceride” which has an infamously stomach-churning scene that I don’t want to spoil. If you’re a fan of body horror or splatstick, I strongly suggest you look up the manga. The TV adaptation features the same scene, but it uses a still shot with slight animation worked in to give the illusion of being a completely animated. This would be alright if the art quality was better, but this feels steps below the source material. Episode 11 (Spanish subs): This episode is an adaptation of “Scarecrows”. Unfortunately it fails to really drive home the premise. In the story, a man plants a scarecrow in a cemetery in an attempt to drive away the husband of his recently deceased daughter (the tv show fails to explain his reasoning for doing so). The scarecrow soon begins to take on attributes of the recently deceased woman and the family begins to devolve into madness. It’s an interesting premise that is not handled well here. Episode 12: Souichi gets another feature and I don’t know if I should be disappointed or glad. I’m disappointed because there are other one-off stories that would be better suited for adaptation, but I’m glad because it also means that other great works by this author won’t be given this bland adaptation (like: The Enigma of Amigara Fault, The Thing that Drifted Ashore, A Deserter in the House, The Earthbound, and Hanging Balloons). Please just read the comics if you’re interested. Junji Ito is a great writer and his art style is detailed and horrifying. This tv adaptation pales in comparison and frankly, watching it all has kind of burnt me out and left me disappointed. This was an interesting opportunity to inject horror into the anime genre and it falls flat due to its bare bones music, less detailed art, and compressed stories. Please just go looking for the manga themselves as they’re a whole lot better. Spookypasta Sunday: Zalgo (28/10/18) Zalgo is a creepypasta that shows a lot of promise for a movie due to its nebulous nature. As more of a bio for the entity than an actual plot, it offers a lot of leeway and interpretation for a movie. With Slenderman and the Midnight Man, the directors tried to build onto the story which were jarring at times (Slenderman turns people into trees). This student film focuses on a former priest with a dark past investigating a haunted house. This is a student film through and through. The acting at times feels a bit wooden (and the dialogue could use some touching up), the audio can be muffled, and the special effects are pretty standard. It gives it a bit of an 80’s low budget vibe. There is also a Jeff the Killer cameo that was a pretty tough sell for me (although apparently it is in keeping with their other fan film featuring their interpretation of the Jeff the Killer story). That being said, they do try to tell an involving story. This film has quite a few issues, but if you’re able to look past the student film, you can find the movie here. The Cabin in the Woods (29/10/18) I’m frankly shocked I haven’t reviewed this movie given how much I enjoyed it back in 2012 when I first saw it (I picked up a bootleg DVD from a street vendor in Nicaragua). The Cabin in the Woods is directed by Drew Goddard and produced by Joss Whedon and is an excellent deconstruction of horror movies and their tropes. I’m not going to get into spoilers for the plot as I think this movie is good enough to warrant a watch if you’re a fan of horror movies. I think what I enjoy most about this movie is how they tackle a lot of the overused tropes (unbelievable characters making dumb decisions, people becoming inexplicably trapped with the danger they are trying to escape from, archetypal characters, etc.) and works them into the story in a way that explains them and excuses them for the purpose of the story. The Cabin in the Woods does an excellent job of blending horror with black humor (Merman!) in a way that hasn’t really been done effectively since. This movie is a treasure that stands up to multiple viewings due to hidden jokes and easily missed cues. Youtube Tuesday: The Screaming Skull (30/10/18) Anyone who’s familiar with Mystery Science Theater 3000 is probably familiar with this one. The Screaming Skull tells the tale of a newly married couple who moves into the husband’s estate where his previous wife passed away. When the new wife begins to be haunted by strange sounds and a reoccurring skull (yes, you read that correctly), they begin to believe that they are being haunted. The film opens with the narrator assuring anyone that if anyone in the audience passes away from fright, their funeral expenses will be paid in full (Note to self: Check limitations on this offer. If I plan this right, I can get a free funeral when I’m an old man. Remember to delete this section before posting. Further amendment: The director, Alex Nicol didn’t contact an insurance company like his counterpart William Castle did, abort this plan.) Spoilers: This is not the first film to feature gaslighting with its twist. That likely goes to the 1944 film Gaslight. All in all, there’s a reason why this was featured on MST3K. It’s not a very good film. Bill Corbett, one of the writers for Mystery Science theater said that: "making someone watch this even once is specifically outlawed by the Geneva Convention”. I can’t say it’s that bad, I can’t say it’s that good either. It’s that special kind of bland that makes milquetoast seem like drinking siracha in comparison. Halloween! Scanners (31/10/18) For 2016’s Horr-tacular, I reviewed what I thought were three of the most infamously low-quality horror movies so let’s turn the tables a bit and do something different. Rather than continue with the theme of bad movies released in January, let’s look at a film released then that actually has gathered a bit of a cult following. On January 14th 1981, Scanners was released. The film was directed by David Cronenberg and had a rushed production. The movie is about Scanners (people with extraordinary mental capabilities like telepathy and pyrokinesis) attempting to take over the world and an organization that employs Vale (Stephen Lack) to hunt him down and end the uprising. Given that this was directed by David Cronenburg, body horror abounds. Much like David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” and “Videodrome”, this is not for people with weak stomaches. Violence is over-the-top and punctuates scenes with brutality. The most famous scene is the head exploding scene in which Revok (played by Michael Ironsides) uses his mind to explode the brain of someone in a psychic duel (using stomach-turning practical effects that have the consistency of syrup and dog food.) While “The Fly” is my favorite Cronenberg film (followed by “Videodrome” and its commentary on violence in media and its impact on the human psyche), “Scanners” does hold a place in my heart given its dramatic psychic conflicts and its engaging story. It is in no way my favorite movie of this season, but I can see why it has a cult following, two sequels, multiples spinoffs, and attempts to remake it into a tv series and a remake (neither of which came to fruition). If you have any interest in body horror, I would strongly recommend looking into Cronenberg and his works. Worst of 2018 I was really tempted to put Slenderman as the worst movie I’ve seen this Halloween season, but I already had extremely low expectations for that one. What I did not have low expectations for was Junji Ito Collection, and the fact that it fails what was tee-d up to be a great series is why it is just the worst. It fails to effectively use Junji Ito’s catalogue, the art is weak, and the music doesn’t deliver. Junji Ito Collection feels like a lazy adaptation that is unable to follow-through the excellent works of the author. The premises are there, but everything else feels basic. Best of 2018 Yeah, most of you saw this coming when I reviewed The Cabin in the Woods. As it turns out my choice in movies has slipped a bit and I didn’t review a whole lot of excellent this go-around so I had to call a bit of an audible and select a movie request that was given to me a few years back. I already sang the praises of The Cabin in the Woods quite a bit so I’ll just add this: this movie is excellently written, shot, and acted. It definitely deserves the critical acclaim it’s received and should be on the top of your list if you haven’t watched it and are interested in seeing what the deal is about it. Conclusion I hope you’ve all enjoyed this Halloween season as much as I enjoyed watching all of these things and writing about them. The horror genre is a passion of mine (given my writing, reading, and movie-watching habits) alongside animal science and medicine. It was hard to find the time, but I managed because I really do enjoy all of this. There is something inherently entertaining and cathartic about watching something and being able to suspend your disbelief and be fully swallowed up in a world of ghouls, ghosts, goblins, and graboids. If there’s one thing I wanted to accomplish this Horr-tacular, it was that. I hope I managed to convey my love for the genre and maybe showcase why the horror genre can be a profoundly interesting and entertaining experience. I hope you enjoy this Halloween, goodnight. Category:Blog posts